Let Me Know

Assalamualaikum

You once occupied my mind like no other.
I spent my time a lot thinking about you.
About your haircut during school days,
Your eyes and their corners each time pointed at me,
Your broad shoulders. And every step you took which lead me on.

I once thought about you a lot. Pacing back and forth,
Plucking petals, wondering whether you liked me or not.
I once liked you a lot. Tracing your presence, looking for your figure.

Today your face seems clear again. I can still picture your smirks and smiles.
And your laughs I once hated. And you, being shady with your feelings.
You jumped from heart to heart, I didn't know what you were looking for.
I wished you found it in me, so I could keep you not just in dreams.
But we never confronted each other, so we lived on with only assuming.

I remember the evening my chest felt so tight,
I asked myself why did your choice seem so hurtful,
I asked my friends did you really mean it,
I asked nobody, what was the mistake I made.

On that day you came knocking on my door confused,
When I could finally forget your face in that black shirt,
It's like only you being blurry was not enough, you dragged me down into that hole of spirals too.
You confused me over and over again. I hoped you did feel happy with that.
I smashed open the door and for the first time I appeared so translucent for you to really understand.
For you to know what I felt, to know the things I held back.

You never left me on read, but you did leave me hanging. But for the first time, you told me about you and you spoke a lot. I wished it was your honesty speaking. I wished it was you avoiding lies. I wished it would never turn me greedy. But I became to want so much more from you. I became to like the idea of you staying.

But once again I became your escapism.
Like no other.
Once again I spent my time a lot thinking about you.
And what I did so wrong to make you treat me like this.