Life

 Assalamualaikum

It's been months I guess?
These days the monologues shared are within me and my mind only. 
People said my looks are pale and clueless.
If only they know,
The things I keep replaying in my head.
The things that keep my beatings awake and I promise you they include what I should have for my next meal. 

I honestly don't know what has happened to me.
What has befallen me, to make me who I am today.
I replayed back the moments I had when I was young.
Those people and places, those facades and brutal honesty.
Those half-hearted efforts and hard tears. 
Those years.

I always remember the times I had my demons with me.
Well, I still have them with me these days.
Those episodes of me and my unleashed devil traits would always make me wonder,
Am I destined to be wicked?
Or are they here as a test for me as a Muslim?
I don't know.

Those bad habits and sins are enjoyable while they last.
But the heart has always known they can never sit with ease inside your being. 
I'd be waking up with guilt.
Praying for changes that I never insist on. 
Because I would always find myself on square one. 

Allah adalah menurut sangkaan hambaNya.

I forgot that husnuzon is a crucial element in life.
It is a vital trait that one needs to have to keep going in life.
Urusan seorang Muslim itu semua baik.
Be it hardships or joy, everything is well in the eyes of a Muslim. 

Alhamdulillah, Allah has showered me with so many blessings.
I need to pedal more. 
I need to do more for myself.

I want this relationship to bring me closer to Allah.
I want this job to make me rely more on Allah.
I want me to do more for the sake of my Rabb.

So please pray for me guys.





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