Life

Assalamualaikum

Those tears came out non-stop, I believed I'd hurt my eyes.
My head felt heavy. I was totally drained, physically and emotionally.

I knew- it was all my fault. I told this a few times in my head,
But somewhat I enjoyed the journey to that new place. It was suprisingly unpredictable.
You know, like going through an adventure you thought was simple and you knew you would get there in time, then you got lost on your way there.
I mean, I really got lost and stranded on a hospital.
Luckily the Uber fee wasn't that high. I was half broken- myself and my ruined wallet.

Then, things turned out to be suprisingly too unpredictable. The bus I should board on that night changed time but not the road I believed. It was an hour earlier than it supposed to be.
I knew it- I was in a big trouble- me and my ruined wallet. With not so much money in it.
The train was delayed, and I knew it- Uber was my one and only choice.
I screwed up everything- myself and my ruined wallet.
You know, when you only had yourself (in my case I also had my ruined wallet with me,alhamdulillah), all that can get you through everything and anything- you would cling on to The Most Powerful, that is our Lord, Allah SWT.
I knew it, and all I could do was praying.

You know, everything happens for a reason. Or some reasons.
And Allah knows what they are. And Allah knows what's best for all of us.
Have faith in Him. Have faith, I told myself.
All of the words I'd been telling people before, came back to me all at once.
When I told them to believe and have a strong stand, I knew it wasn't easy.
I wasn't in their shoes. But what else could I've said best?

I thought about the ticket that would probably be burned that night, and the faces of people at home, spending so much on me, for my own sake. And I thought about the laughs, and also my stupidity. I started to feel useless, and guilty when the Uber told me I needed to wait for 16 minutes.
I thought about the delayed train any my ruined wallet. And about my brother who told me he would get me a new one I just needed to choose. But then I knew I had no exact preferences and it was such a hard time for me to pick one. And then I knew I would end up not choosing anything.

I kept telling myself, I had to go with anything. If Allah wanted this to happen, then who am I to stop it? But one thing for sure. Allah will never leave me alone. Yeah, that's for sure.

The Uber came and the driver speeded up, despite the traffic jammed and the urge to eat those dried mangos in my bag. I left my unpacked bag and beloved laptop in the room, as I was left with no choice because of my clumsiness.
But alhamdulillah, Allah got me through it. I made it to the bus, I made it, to sit next to my friend and board on to my hometown. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

I knew it- Allah will never let me down.
But I was selfish. And tend to forget to be grateful.

Everything was messed up. The whole thing which I thought would leave me smiling and make me feel good eventually. And I knew it- it was all my fault.

I said there's no going back to this current place in the future- I knew it was wrong but I was deep in my emotions and Shaytan would surely surround me, poking me and all. I knew it- or at least I thought I knew.

I cried, when I should be rational and think good. I said to myself things weren't the same no more. When it's just me who overreacting. Yeah, I overreacted.

Allah will not burden a soul beyond it can bear. 

It may look simple and cliche. But it is never any of them. 

"Life's maybe not always full of miseries," you said.

It struck me in the heart. No, it's not always full of miseries.
In fact, Allah has blessed me with so many things I'd never asked for.
That I'd never known I would need it until I needed it.

I got my mom and dad, when there are some people out there who have only one of them, or neither of them.
I got my own room and bed, and could lock in myself whenever I want, when there are some people out there who have to share room with others or, do not even have a safe place to stay in.
I eat way too much and don't even have to bother to search hard enough for a bite, but I got bored and tend to fly away to other places for fancier ones, when there are people out there being chipped off by hunger and it's hard for them to get a bite of even a loaf of bread.

"Let's be more grateful," you said.

Yeah.
Astaghfirullahalazim.






Comments

  1. people told me, I'm good in writing esp to advice someone. but yeah, I think, I started like to write, blog, because of u. cause your words are wonderful, and u inspired me to be one. thanks(:

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