Pain

Assalamualaikum

I wasn't the type to let my phone full with notifications.
The time I got even an unimportant message from celcom,
I would, never, take the whole day to open it.
My mail was always empty of notifications, most of them were from pinterest.

But people around me were a bit different.
They would be taking about, a whole week to open their mail, their messages and chats.
And that bothered me, a lot.
I would always have the crazy urge to open every mail on their phones, and I guess if I did that it would take days for me to finish.
And I never did.

But lately, seeing my phone irritates me.
I don't feel good looking at it.
I don't feel excited if it rings, I don't even wait for things to come on knocking as usual.

I feel hurt seeing those chats and notifications.
These past few weeks did that to me.
Those ringing sounds were my nightmares.
Those words and acts, that I didn't see, stung my chest and I felt like bleeding.

It was so hurtful, to endure it. Even for one more day.

Now I finally understood. Why Risa behaves that way.
Letting the chats pile up. Don't bother to open those mails.
Set her phone on flight mode.

Sometimes running away is the best choice.
To let ourselves heal, and stop the bleeding even for a minute.

Allah will ease things for us inshaallah.
He will let us heal.


"Allah kan ada,"


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