Never Not

Assalamualaikum

 "I'm okay, if they come to me only when they need, then it's okay,"
"If they feel like leaving me then it's also okay,"

 "So you don't mind being others' second option?"

Second option. Or maybe third.
Or hundredth.

I was okay if you did me that way.
Come and go as you please,
I could be your night candle at least.

I was okay if you didn't think of me as often as I did,
Of you.
I'd cross your mind one day,
Or if I never did,
I did talk to you once and twice,
Enough for you to know that I actually exist.

If you ever needed me, just turn to your back,
You'd find me there.

As I had always been standing near you,
Near enough but you didn't notice.
Close enough, but you never actually feel I breathed.

I thought I was okay being one of your options,
At least sometimes you're going to choose me.
But at that moment a friend asked me if I was really okay with it,
My mind stopped for a while, I forced myself to speak.
Once again, I was in denial.

It didn't make me feel any better.
I couldn't be okay with it.
Because I cared.
Because you're there.
Because you meant something.

But a day when I am okay with being just an option, will come.
And I no longer care for you, as much as I did before.


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