K - Blue

 Assalamualaikum

So hey guys. My head hurts right now. Guess I'm not getting enough sleep lately.
Sleeping late is fun you know. Night times are much colder than the days. And I would roll in my bed, watching netflix and scrolling my phone. Then I realise soon that it's not good for my eyes, and my dark circles. Then recently I've decided to re-read my old novels. And being too absorbed in the fictitious story, I couldn't bring myself to sleep early either. 

Having friends is fun. But it is no longer fun and games when conflicts arise. Especially when you're left on read, or you see them online but not replying to any of your texts or questions. No, I'm not pointing at anyone. It's just, this happened to me recently. And being in this situation, my brain kept replaying the scenes in the past, wondered what would be wrong, what was my mistake. And I ended up sleeping at 5am. It's not fun. Neither was it good. I woke up at 11 plus am. And my body and brain refused to get some more rest. 

I would like to believe I'm not a workaholic. But I like to be busy. I can't sit down doing nothing. Especially at my workplace. But lately, it's been a month since the last I got myself busy with real work. Alhamdulillah, I still got a job anyway. But the thing is, I like to tire myself out. Maybe that's the biggest reason why I would find myself cooking at night. Tonight, at 9.30pm, I wanted to cook tomyam. But my head is throbbing right now, and inshaallah tomorrow I will have free time. So I cancelled the plan. And here I am. 

And then I thought about my sweet best friend, Aina. She's one real girl, and the one who has it all. She's pretty, tall, knows how to dress up and do her makeups. Her accent is incredible. She's funny, she's smart, very angelic, the kindest friend you could ever ask for. And I don't know what did I do to deserve her. She doesn't wear long shawls nor hijabs, she dresses up modestly, but not like any ustazahs out there. But time by time, I could see that she likes changes. And she is learning. And the most amazing thing is, she's changing, little by little. She always attends to prayers early. Always reads quran. Always be the one who is easy to cry. She's one real friend. And I thought to myself, it would be amazing to stay with someone who will always remind you of your god. Always shows you the road to get closer to Allah. It's easier, you know, having someone by your side. 

I'm not complaining, but maybe I am. Allah, I'm truly sorry. I just want a friend here. No, I just want to be with my family. I just want to see some people who solat. mengaji. and remind me of you. I want to be able to hear azan clearly. I just want someone very close to me. I want to sleep close beside someone close. I want a real company. 

And I thought about myself back then. I seemed like a real crook who was obsessed with someone. But maybe I was obsessed with him. Did I scare him? Well, I don't know. This Is What It Takes, it's such a nice song he once shared with me. I hope he is still handsome, and happier. 

And I feel like today you don't love me anymore. Are you bored? Well, I don't know. But I hope you aren't. 


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