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Showing posts from March, 2018

Gone

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Assalamualaikum

I wished you would,
Care a little bit more.

I wished you were being honest,
Every time we talked.
Every time you said things that made me feel good.

I wished you never lied to me.
I wished you were real, all the time.

Yesterdays you made me open my eyes,
And finally see the truth. It was in front of me,
But I might be so selfish that I didn't even want to notice it.

Sometimes I wished I knew what you were thinking.
But one day,
These wishes would somehow be pointless.
And I might not remember wishing for them at nights when you were there but we didn't talk to each other.



Nell's

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Assalamualaikum

Nell's,
Brings back memories.
Those words are deep, and full of meanings.
And beautifully sung.

Yeah. It's okay.

Living moments with you once is more than enough.
I'm okay with just memories lingering around.
The scent you brought in, the traces you left behind.
It's okay.
I can go through them when I'm not tied up.

Breathing with you for a few times is more than enough.
I'm okay with just looking at you from afar.
Only need to know that you're doing fine.
All I have are high hopes for you.
My heart is broken but I'm fine with it,
But live my hopes up.

Laughing with you means more than anything,
Hearing you laugh makes me feel so good,
Trying my best to be normal,
But the air felt more relaxing, brushing my cheeks,
With the sweet sound of your voice,
I know it will never last.

For the ones that have become memories,
I'm sorry.


You

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Assalamualaikum

Your presence was addictive.
And I would be needing of it, every second every day in my life.

When we're apart,
The distance between us made my drink cold,
And my heart shivered while I couldn't see the end.

It's like we're connected, deep enough.
You would get me, hundred percent without any loss,
And I hoped I would feel the same too.

When you're gone,
I would be clicking your pictures and your every identity on medias,
It's like I could feel you by my side.
And that would be enough to make me feel good.

You're finally here.
And once again I felt the circle was complete.

- Yoshioka Futaba




January and March

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Assalamualaikum

You, and away.
Me, and escape.

Setting things apart, you tried.
Now it seems to be working.

Tearing me apart, perhaps you knew.
Now it seems to be fine.

You tried.
And I will do the same.

- Kurebayashi Teru

best manga ever :')

I'm Sorry

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Assalamualaikum

Lately you have become one distraction to me.
Even in your absence I became crazy.

The moment my mind was emptied, having no one to talk to.
The thought of you would come rushing in a split of seconds.
I was critical, and ought to be treated.
But I needed to let you know that,
This insanity happened a lot because I liked the idea of you,
Around me.

I remember the nights when you told me about you.
About the things that had been going on in your life,
You needed a quick escape from reality, but you knew it wouldn't be that easy.

I'm sorry.
I might have said the things that you didn't even need to hear them.
I might have been talking like those things you went through were easy.
I wasn't in your place, yet I was being self-centred, pressuring you hard enough,
You didn't even feel better.

I'm sorry.
For the things that I have done that hurt you.
For always misunderstanding you when you used foreign channel.

For not being there when you needed someo…

One Ok Rock - Bon Voyage

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Assalamualaikum

Sometimes I saw you and your drawings.
They were nice.

All of the colours you used,
Only one shade was left out.
It might not suit your wild imagination.
And it was me.

All of the lines you sketched,
Only one pattern was left out.
Having a close look on it,
I knew it didn't fit in your dream.
And it was me.

In many ways I had been confused.
Along the road I tripped over many pebbles myself.
You didn't lead me wrong.
You never did.
I wished you never did.

One day the sky was bright, just like your typical smile.
And you'd no longer see me wanting to be someone else.







MFS - Missing You

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Assalamualaikum

You have always been like that,
I didn't remember any kicks or punches from you,
But believe me it hurt every time I recalled your face,
Pressed against the red and blue mini tent.
I'm sorry I kicked you in the face back then.

We both were scolded later on.

All of those messages of mine you read,
It's okay, you're forgiven the second I knew about it,
Because as far as I remember,

You were there beside me when the room was pitch black,
You read ujang with me when we both were scared to sleep,
Then papa came we quickly hided ourselves in that thin blanket.

You were so eager to give me a ride on papa's motorcycle.
Then we went to pasar bukit payong together.
We didn't really have needs there, but I guess you really liked to travel around squeezing the handles.
Then we watched naruto together while eating snacks we bought from the pasar.

We would play that anime fighting game, was it Street Fighter?
I would always win in every round, by pressing any…

MFS - Love Letter

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Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah.

You are one of the blessings Allah has given to me.
Allah has given so much to me, yet I do so many wrongs.

I told Allah a lot about you,
Every question I had wanted to ask you myself,
I asked Him instead. And sometimes in every page I found myself knowing the answers.

That one evening I couldn't bring myself to stand up.
Even the air I breathed felt different.
My favourite meal tasted different, it was like my tongue was numb.
All of me was in what state until today I don't know.

I have always wanted the best for you.
Then I mentioned your name to Him that evening,
The tears rushed down my cheeks I was speechless myself.
It was like, the name you're holding symbolised something.

It was always the evening.

Even the thought of you managed to push me to the edge.
I saw you leave and I couldn't see anything no more.
My vision was blurred my tears went out I didn't know when to stop.

Evening air once again heard me saying your name to Him…

MFS - Flame

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Assalamualaikum

People were ice skating.
While the scene kept me waiting.
I pretended to be staring,
When the clock was counting.

The seconds didn't even matter. For you until the next sunrise I willed.
The long road didn't even weigh on my shoulder. For you to the other side of the mountain I would.

I thought I was crazy.
But sanity was never the definition of me.

The minute you came I could see nothing.
Seemed like the world was spinning as the breath chasing took place.
All the differences you showed on the day still, you were captivating.
Walking and talking, leaving steps only I would someday trace.

Your simple wasn't a piece of paper at all.
It was extra and I wasn't expecting anything, honestly.
But your face washed away the taste of pudding mixed with strawberry,
The picture turned black and white it was the last call.

The line was finally drawn.
We both knew it now.
I understood it fully now.
It was okay I told myself it was finally dawn.





Catch Me When I Fall

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Assalamualaikum

This time waking up in the morning was hard.

But it wasn't just in the morning.
It also happened after your power nap, after-class nap, after every time you ran away from reality.

I woke up each time feeling a sharp pain in my chest,
Saying to myself oh, those were my reality.

Those teary eyes, windy times,
They were all real.

I had been clapping on my own, I knew it all along.

The feeling of lost,
The feeling of knowing yourself was hurt,
Were all painful. I was trying to get used to this reality,
But when I fell back to sleep I couldn't remember any of these.

That caused me pain when I woke up.
It's like, I had to teach myself again and again to get used to it.
I had to tell myself all over again which one was the reality, and which one was the fantasy.

Ya Rabb, catch me.
And I know only You will.


Maroon 5 - Wipe Your Tears

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Assalamualaikum

Being alone in a crowd of the people you could easily recognize their faces.
Was hard. You were fighting an unknown battle inside you,
The sound of your own heart aching sometimes sank into the dry air,
As their laughter strangled your lungs.

Then you came like an inhaler for someone who had chronic asthma.
I thought I could survive if you were to stay with me.

I survived, and everything changed.

But somehow knowing you wasn't enough.
It felt like you were just showing the surface of you,
There was more of you but I didn't know how to reach it.

You are more than what you think you are.
The goals you wrote in your 2018 journal are all high and I feel suffocated just by hearing them.
You are so ambitious, and I know you would be working so hard to make those your new reality.

The way your eyes shine sometimes I could see mascara on the eyelashes.
Your smile is beautiful sometimes I'm dying to hear your laugh.

I want you to see you the way I've always done…

Dandelion

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Assalamualaikum

She was the sunshine that washed away all your sorrows from the previous nights.
She gave you the warmth you needed, even though she stood miles away from your silhouette.

She was the breath taker every second she lived in the room,
And each time you felt her presence you almost died, catching up your breath.
She left you breathless yet,
At the same time, you had never felt so alive.

She was the art you could never find along the street,
She was the masterpiece that danced in your heart,
You kept her safe and cherished every piece of her in it.

She was the muse you had had since forever.
She was the reason behind your every painting and stuff.
She was the one you had always cared to look at.

I could take everything in me to say that she was lucky.
Lucky enough to keep you captivated,
Lucky enough, that I could never be like her.

I was a small dandelion on the ground you once had noticed.
Even if it was your step crushing me I wouldn't care.
Because it was you I cou…