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Showing posts from June, 2018

Clean

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Assalamualaikum I can't think of things to write, I usually express myself through writings, But this time, words don't seem to be enough. How can I express my disappointment, Sadness, and all of the things I've been feeling since it happened? Nicely, properly. Without making myself think back of the things I've written? But honestly, I should always be cautious, lillahitaala. I always say I don't know. Because honestly, again, I don't know. You brought in sorrow that I've never felt before.

Short Story

"Wake up, Ray!" The door opened. He yawned while doing some stretching. This idiot in front of me was my best friend. We're friends since high school. We lived close enough to be best friends, close enough for me to always go barging on his house front door, to wake him up every Saturday morning. Close enough for us to choose the same course, the same workplace. I did feel tired, needing to see the freaking same face for years, but something felt off without him by my side. Looking at him. From his eyebrows, to his chin. Hm, not that handsome. Kinda ugly. That's why I could never understand how did a guy like him manage to get love letters inside his school locker, inside his school bag, on his working table, and even some of them are given to me to pass on to him. He snapped his fingers in front of me. "Come on! We're going to be late," Saturday morning was a perfect time for us to go the nearest basketball court in this neighbourhood. I r

Better

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Assalamualaikum Losing someone so dear to you, Knowing you won't ever get to see them again, What else you can do, Time doesn't stop for certain someone. It's a trial for us. I remember learning about this in high school, but I can't recall the exact ayah from Al-Quran. No matter how much we love them, how much we care for them, When the time comes, we can never tell them to not go. In the end, we're all going to be gone. To Allah only we will be returned to. I'd lost nenek two years ago. It was still fresh, but actually, it feels like she's still here. Somewhere, walking around the kampung like she used to, coming home late in the evening. Every school break I would rarely see her in the morning. She liked to walk a lot. But when she came home, she would start calling out my name, asking me to go downstairs and talked to me. She might want some attention from me, and the other people at home. I grew up with her. The outsiders would just

If You Don't Know

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Assalamualaikum I tried to convince myself that I was good. It was good, knowing that you finally had decided things on your own. You should have gone way earlier. Those notes you left for me, Were you thinking of ways to make me feel better? Did you think of me, that way back then? I bet you never did. It came out that way, you might feel heavy. You felt like you needed to at least, help me to feel a little bit better. You could, even without that sugar-coated questions. You could, even without those half hearted sayings and talks. You could, but I guess your mind was a bit clouded, You took short cuts, ended up making me feel way better than before, But you knew it was temporary. It wasn't the truth after all. I bet you did try, once or twice. But you couldn't make it a reality. You couldn't, because your heart was saying the opposite. Now, Hold it tight, and don't go back. But then it has always been in your hands; the choice. I will er

Short Story

"Don't you think the idea of loving someone, for the rest of your life, loving the same person until you die, is somewhat, beautiful?" I nodded. Smiled gently. "I'd love to be loved that way, and to love someone, that way," It was six years ago. It was something I had forgotten. I had forgotten, that she was my first love. I had forgotten, the ways to love her. And that was my mistake. "There must be a time where it goes dull, you no longer feel the same excitement, sometimes a call by that person becomes a bother to you," I sipped the hot coffee while listening to him. "But you can't let it be just like that. You don't go find someone else," "Instead, find out more about that person, discover more, learn more," "Find out new ways to love, find the sparks," "They are there, inside you, it's your job to light them up brighter," "Brighter, even brighter than your first,"

Short Story

"If you're happy, I guess I'm happy too," There she is. Still, looking beautiful as ever. But she's smiling more often. I leave a heavy sigh. She looks happy. With another man. She used to spend time with me. I never thought today's the day I would get to see her again. With the same feeling, same ache. Now, another man is sitting there, which used to be my place. There, another flawless laugh of her. It sounds more genuine, more lively than those in the past. Hah, that man sure is lucky to enjoy that sound. That sweetness. That, of her. Oh, here is my caramel frappuccino. Man, its calories. What am I even doing here in this place? Starbucks is not my thing. It's hers. I take a look at that round table of theirs. She still goes for the same drink. "Starbucks?" "Yeah, my money is flying away! Can't resist it though," I leave a second heavy sigh. That man seems to go to the bathroom for a while. Well, I hope he'

Why Won't You Love Me

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Assalamualaikum Where did you go? But honestly, I shouldn't mind. Everywhere you went, left or right, Upside or down, You shouldn't be on my mind. People said never hold on to the memories, But those were the ones who kept us alive, In the back of my mind, at least. That's why I never burnt them away, But they weren't that safe either here. You used to talk to me with a smile, But recently I couldn't hear anything from you, It's like you're unreachable, untouchable, The more I tried the more it hurt, To know that you might not want to be looked for. By me. The moments we spent weren't that long, But your stay was more than enough to make me change my mind and stand, I decided that you mattered to me. You needed to stay, I needed you. To stay. You might never know your absence had affected me, slightly. And I never intended to let you know. You don't need it, so just live. And I will do the same. "Can you tell me

Orange

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Assalamualaikum So here I am, where I should be sleeping, But my chest hurts, I'm overwhelmed with so much feelings inside of me. First of all nande Kakeru?! nandeeeeee I should write these small rants on twitter but for some reasons, I don't really like to express myself on it. What are the reasons? Well, surprisingly I don't know myself! I couldn't remember how I found out about this anime ; Orange, But I had read the manga until the very last page years back then, While Marshi watched the whole anime, I didn't. Don't ask me why I don't know myself. I couldn't believe how fast time flies, I thought my finals would never be over but here I am, Sitting on the bed, writing things and thinking when should I be sleeping. I had decided, this break I'm going to watch Orange. And that's it. I've just finished watching it. It was great, I tell ya. I cried. No, don't worry, the ending is nice. It is hurtful to know about

Common Denominator

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Assalamualaikum Remember the first time I saw you, Under that one shady tree, or was it just a shrub? I thought it was everlasting, a remarkable place, But recently I noticed that spot was empty. Empty, it was replaceable after all. Just like us. I recalled back the little things about you, Remember each and every time I bumped into you, I couldn't handle the adrenaline rush and quickly hid myself, It was obvious, and stupid for sure. But recently I knew I felt nothing. Nothing, it faded away after all. After years. It was the first eid and it was my birthday, Looking back at those times you never wished all by yourself. While I never missed every 13th of January. But you were nice and sweet enough to reach me out through someone else. You were, my favourite. It was flawless, We were blind after all. That beige jeans, black sweater, Last row in the bus, mcflurry, potato chips, Cold night, colourful lights on the trees, It was clear. You meant most o

Start Again

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Assalamualaikum You seemed strong on the outside, Your shoulders were broad, With your straight back, You stepped out in full confidence. But just like others, sometimes you're trying to find ways to hide your insecurities. Sometimes your stand was shaken by the people around you. Sometimes you didn't even know yourself. Sometimes you felt useless, You were no good. I had always liked you, and the way you spoke. How you could pick up beautiful words and didn't sound bad, Even though the things you were to say wouldn't be pleasing to others, You said the truth without hurting, at least you tried. I had always liked to convince you, you're doing just fine. In fact you're doing so good and so perfect in my eyes. But the things from my view weren't something so convincing, You would need better, and others'. You're going to face another phase of life, So good luck with that. I hope people around you will care for you. I hope so

Us

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Assalamualaikum The world tired me out, At the end of the day I came back into your arms, Feeling like home. Let the cycle repeat, Even if we're apart. Spicy and sour onion chips, Chillin' with movies while the lights were off, It wasn't healthy, Once in a week would be fine, no? Different tastes, but we all loved spicy soup. Different builds, but we all looked almost the same. Issues and tissues, We didn't really cry, I did once in our train, You did twice in your bed and at the stairs, You did once, hiding your face I almost overlooked. Everyone wants kindness, Everyone wants to be kind, and do good. We all want white, pure and clean. You guys are so nice. But together we can be better and do great stuffs. So stick with us, Until eternity, inshaallah.

Listen

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Assalamualaikum Hey there someone's Delilah. I hope you're doing just fine. Life had been so hectic recently, It's not that I knew you so well, But through pictures and stories I knew you struggled real hard. We weren't really friends. I couldn't recall any conversations between us, But sometimes I saw you on my way to the cafeteria. And I knew your name and I bet we did exchange few smiles. We weren't that close, But you're important to my best friend. I knew you're nice and pretty, You had those mini whiskas in your bag so that you could give them to the cats and kittens you found on your way to class. You made me feel like this world is such a small world. I never thought life made its way back to you after months and semesters you'd left. I never thought it led me to you. So take care, and stay healthy. And take care of the ones who trust you enough to give their hearts to you. eee comel!

Nell - Down

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Assalamualaikum It felt so tiring, day by day, I had so much to say but I couldn't get it through you. I thought of millions of questions and reasons to face you again, But the reality now was even better than those illusions. I wished I had never opened up to you, If it would be this hurtful when you no longer wanted to talk to me. I wished I had never shared about me, If it would be this crazy to keep all of the things I'd been wanting to tell you, to myself, As we had now become complete strangers. I wished we had never become close friends, who knew each other's skin, if not so deep at least I once could feel you deep enough I was soaked in my own feelings. I wished, I could wake up one day not remembering anything about being your friend, Or acquaintance, or whatever you thought of me back then. I wished there would come a day, soon, where I would no longer think of you as frequent as yesterday, today, and every day. It was painful to look at you and

The Truth Untold

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Assalamualaikum To wish I've never met you, But you've taught me many things about me, And the world around me. So this wish should never be uttered, But I've been thinking and whispering it most of the time nowadays. You should have never done that, You should have never bothered, and wasted your time thinking. And I should have never gone that far, And hold on to the maxim of quality every time we talked. I'm on my way home, Will be myself again, but I'm still trying to find it.

Hey You

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Assalamualaikum Remember when you got no one else besides her? And she was also alone. Under the heat and the white tent, you sat beside her, Realising you knew nothing much of her. You only got her, having meals only the two of you. Never thought of getting close, but things happened. She would follow you to surau, most of the nights without fail. She lived in the fifth floor, yet stairs weren't a bother. She sticked by your side, But things happened. Life set you both apart, Physically, but you always tried to believe that you're connected heart to heart. Now you're telling me you guys had series of amazing history together, Your past was the best, if only you could stay the same. But things always happen, you can never predict what's next. You can always miss the old you, and the past events that stay only in memory, But wishing to stay the same, no. I don't think it will do any good. Having sushi sometimes together is actually nice. As