Showing posts from January, 2018

I Miss You 3#


The Sun shone another day,
I woke up as usual.

Between the classes we spent our time,
And the few minutes gap we had and I would be late,
I never noticed the clock where you came in,
But I guess you were always on time.

The afternoon came and the gap happened to be longer.
Sometimes I had to fight the urge to sleep after the jamaah prayer.
And the thought of having classes after this won me over.
My friends would wait for me outside, so I knew I had to go out and had lunch.

I would eat the orange they gave like it's an apple.
Guess that I was lazy enough to eat it like a normal one would do.
I remember reading the newspaper while my mouth was full with its juice,
But I never could recall the moments you stepped in to the class.

The evening prep class my friends would lose me.
But sometimes I would lose them as well. Or the four of us would lose one another.
But as the war was drawing in closer, day by day,
I came back to my real sense as a student so I did my study…

I Miss You 2#


I don't know why, but this time missing you hurts me so much.
The space you've taken in my heart and my mind is just too much this time.

I was missing your warmth like crazy, and I still am.

The idea of standing beside you and feel your presence,
I want to breathe you in like your vapour.
I want to hold you close to me, and stare at your living like I've never seen it before.
I want to admire every piece of you that occurs to me each and every of it are just,
Breathtaking. You're beautiful.

The idea of talking with you, I don't need plans or arranged flow of speech.
I could talk about anything with you. Sometimes jumping from one scene to the others from a whole different story. And you'd still understand me, deep enough.
I could never finish the whole episode of me. That makes me miss you the second you leave.
I could always be myself with you. And if I'm pretending to be me, you'd notice it the first moment I blink.
Amazing. You're…

I Miss You


At this time, I would be rushing to get myself done and ready for the dinner.
In the dining hall.
And what's worse I was a prefect.

So I was expected to be early, waiting for others to go down and gather at that field.
Near the netball court. Which we used to play futsal there.

And what's worse than being a prefect was,
Being such a bad prefect. Which I happened to be, one.

After isyak we would get ourselves done with hanging the telekung with the hanger.
And went to prep class.
The night air was so fine and so good.
Walking with your friends made it feel even better.

Entering the class you saw some were busy with homework.
And there were some who had finished it earlier and did their study.
While me, I started off with, thinking of what I should be doing.

I didn't remember being so serious all the time along the prep class,
But there were some nights I pulled out my socks to solve some questions.
And tried to improve some parts of me.

Prep was over, I woul…

You 2#


If I could buy you the world, I'd do that for you.
Because I had fallen hard.

I was head over heels.

I was out of my mind.

But the whole world ain't gonna get you nowhere.
All the beautiful things in it, are deceits and tricks,
You're going to fall hard while thinking you're blown by the spring breeze full of nice sweet scents.

Just like me.

I would be hoping that you were in some kind of bubble wrap, in your every decision.
Whatever the consequence would be, so that you were kept safe and sound.
Nothing would be done hurting you.

But I knew you got that something in you, you were superman in your own mask and blood.
You were incredible and whatever the consequence would be, you're going to go on with anything.
You were unbelievably amusing.

I would be praying that you would always be kept on the right track and path.
Whenever you felt lost and out of breath, things around you would always come to your aid.
Would always give you anything you would e…



"You left me,"

I thought it was clear.

I don't know about the other writers,
I'm not even a qualified writer to begin with.

The feelings I carved through the words,
I felt every single thing I wrote deep enough,
Nothing I could convey in real connection,
But I hoped you would see and know through those pieces I wrote.

I couldn't say a thing to your face,
I couldn't face you further for it to be enough,
It felt like I would end up picking the wrong words,
While shivering because of the presence of you.
But I hoped you would understand through the things I wrote.

There were series of mine for you to read,
For you to see and know the things I kept to myself.
I wrote for you to feel and understand,
But you told me you couldn't understand.

I thought to myself,
It's not that you couldn't understand. The main key was you, yourself.
You should know those were written for you and revolved around you, yourself.
Then, they should be clear…

Monday Breakfast


As for this morning, nothing was more disappointing than tasting your own cooking,
That was extremely salty when you're hungry. When you thought it would taste just fine.
Guess that I'd hurt my head for consuming too much salt in the morning.

I remember my friends from back then when I was 12.
I did spend years before 2010 with them, but the sight of them in 2010 was the most vivid one that I could be picturing right now.
We were in that pink uniform. I could be myself and was all crazy, so were you.

We would have Safwan as our big brother. And Aisyah as my sparring partner.
And Hajar that looked like marshmallow.
And the race between the whole classmates (sometimes I was excluded) and Ain Zayani to find meaning of words in the Kamus Dewan. I remember one time when Aiman won once.

The wasted time of my after-school moments, sometimes to see you or bump into you.
The wasted excitements and extra wide smiles, sometimes when we happened to walk pass each other.




Merentasi hari dan waktu seperti hari-hari yang lalu,
Seperti waktu lalu, syukur.

Kau tahu, kadang wajah kau turut terpacul sama seiring dengan setiap lagu dia dendangkan.
Enak didengar, walau tidak bisa aku iring suaraku bersama-sama rentaknya.

Lambakan pameran aku lihat, imbau kembali hari itu.
Tidaklah sebentar, berjam juga aku hirup udara di sana.
Tidaklah pudar, malah kadang makin berwarna.
Namun tidaklah ingin aku ulang. Bikin sengsara.

Namun setiap apa yang membuatkan kau, kau sering menari di minda.
Aku serabut. Kini berhari-hari telah berlalu kau tiba-tiba menyepi.
Tertanya aku, adakah kau baik-baik saja? Kau sihat?

Aku harap kau sentiasa baik.

Termimpi-mimpi aku. Mungkin kerana aku sering fikir.
Apalah, kata mahu tinggal-tinggalkan. Tapi kau juga tahu bukan, untuk tinggal itu tidak pernah senang. Apatah kau. Jujur aku akui susah.

Setiap rasa yang tidak dapat aku rasa. Setiap lena yang tidak dapat aku lena pada awalnya.
Setiap waktu aku rasa tidak menentu, apa…

All is Nothing


Now I notice that I could think of a few titles for my posts.
Back then I preferred to write blank.
It was all that meant nothing. It's blank after all.

Now I really need time to wash everything away.
Needing time means I need to suffer a little bit more.
Needing time means I need to live with this ache for some more days.
Or months. But I hope it won't take years.

This is painful. I'm really crushed.
When you were flying up high in the sky, trying to chase that one flying kite,
But its owner shot you hard enough you fell down you almost died.
He never wanted you to chase it, never wanting you to own it.

The space I gave was a little bit too much. It was a little bit too much.
Too much I couldn't take it back. Too much now that I couldn't make myself to stand.
Too much now that it's too late.

You're still beautiful to me.
You still mean the whole purple sky.
You still shine bright and it takes me close to forever to let it fade.



This time the beginning of the pages looked alike.
The first time we met honestly I felt comfortable having you around.

The spinning chair I sank myself in while holding a pen,
Trying to get some things resolved with you in front of me, and her beside,
I didn't remember feeling sleepy, but I guessed we talked more often than discussing, didn't we?

We found out you actually wore glasses through that one polaroid you showed us.
I found out we had things in common.

You were something and I sometimes needed to stop getting myself distracted.
But times went by I told myself we only met for this one purpose and that's it.

Times did fly away, so did you.

The second time we met honestly I remembered feeling nothing.
It was neutral. But still, you're that one type that could get along with anything easily.

The wooden chair I tried to break while scribbling things on my notes,
The spring in every step you took I never bothered to look at,
I guessed we did talk th…



Mending but it's breaking.

Shattered around all over the place,
But I knew it was my fault so I would be fine.

I shouldn't have gone too far.
It was bad for both my physical and inner health.

I shouldn't have let you in.
I didn't even know who you are, where have you been all this while.

But I knew it was all my fault,
So I would be fine. Soon.

And another thing,

You don't even know me.

Only Allah knows the real me.
Don't think I'm nice, the bad side of me Allah keeps it as secrets from you.

Don't think I'm all soft, the harsh me is somewhere lying here within the weather.
But if you yell at me I would cry.

This is me, all jumbled up.

Taylor Swift - Clean


It was me, and the hopes I kept high.

The suggestions and excitements you left hanging,
But it might be your time which had always been running out.
I gave them but believe me, I didn't expect you to give me replies.

The plates of words and sayings you left untouched,
But it might be the meals weren't that good,
I wanted you to stand up again but believe me, I didn't expect you to change in a blink of an eye.

Just like that,

The flowers you sent withered,

It was me, and the hopes I let die.

It seemed like you wanted to tell me more so I waited.
But months passed by the scent you gave me was no longer here.



You changed me.

I never thought it would come to this.
Like last night, and yesterday. And the day before our every yesterday we spent together.

You coloured me.

The black and white scenes all around me suddenly changed,
Splashing colours, name it ; pastel, bright, and any of them you know, I was soaked,
Looking all fancy and crazy with those colours you brought in.

You breathed me.

The times I lost in every crowd and didn't bother to save myself,
You came along and took my whole soul away from it.
Telling myself I got you in every space that covered me.

Sometimes I think to myself you're not good for me.

Every time we meet and sit down to talk for a bit,
That one bit can never be enough.
That minutes turn to hours.
All I could think is time wasting,
But seeing you is what I think I need.

Every time we gather around and telling ourselves we're gonna be useful this time,
That time can never be golden with books and scribbles around,
But it turns to premium g…

The Faith - Jauhilah


I have always noticed that you got this one attraction.

And I never thought it would come up with such a strong force.

Each time I turned to you,
One became two and it just kept increasing.
You seemed so special in every way you lived.

You shone brighter than the post lamps by the streets at the darkest nights.
Everything was blurry when you became the centre.
Even when you stood at the edge of the line, the angle would change to make you the centre of attraction.
Your magnetic field was so strong I couldn't describe it.

It is tiring and sickening. You're just out of reach.
It is wearing me out. You're making me stand in awe.
It is, sometimes unbearable. I would always want to steal your glares and stares.

This is not good. At all.

The recent calls were many and I started to delete them.
But since the day you called me and left a trace, I took time to clear the recents.
So the trace of your call wouldn't go away just like your figure.

I have told you.