ThirTeen

Assalamualaikum The moment you cared about me, By asking my whereabouts and my doings, Whether I was home or still wandering around the city, Sometimes I thought it would be nice if you're still here, And still care about me. The moment you laughed when I said something, The sneakers you wore and the old shoes of mine you looked at, Sometimes I thought it would be nice to see you again, And I buy the sneakers my friend told I would look good with them. The moment you called for me and showed me like I was needed, Sometimes I thought it would be nice if you still feel like you need me, And wonder about my absence and presence. Of course they were just thoughts that I needed to erase. Now you're nowhere to be found, And I'm somewhere you know it doesn't matter.

Assalamualaikum Yesterday I had a Speech Communication lecture. We learned the basic components of communication and the principles. I got the third principle to be read and explained, and I found it deep to be true. "No one can step twice into the same river, nor touch mortal substance twice in the same condition. By the speed of its change, it scatters and gathers again," - Heraclitus, Greek Philosopher It said a river is a dynamic process, so does communication. Communication keeps changing. The contexts, the conditions, you can never say the same thing in the same context and the same condition. Even in the same voice. "We, like an audience or the river, are constantly changing," - Scott McLean Yeah. People do change. Someone asked me, is changing a bad thing? Well, my eyes were heavy to think much about it, but even after I woke up till now, I honestly do not know how to answer. I told her if we change to be someone better, then changing is n

Assalamualaikum I hope I wouldn't be worried, When you look so fragile in my eyes and almost break, I hope I can just leave you there alone, Before my heart starts to break, along with you. I hope I would never have to overthink, When you shut yourself and seem so far for me to reach, I hope I can just let it go, Before my inner self starts to scream out loud, facing you. I hope I can let the rain wash away all of my memories of you, The things you said the looks you made, Everything about you and everything that becomes you, I hope every time I look at you I would see a stranger, I hope every time I see someone who looks like you I would never recall anyone, I hope every time I find something that you like I would never have the urge to buy it because of someone. What about you?

Assalamualaikum It might be the sparkles of dust beside me, It meant empty, since a few minutes ago, Brought in the feeling of lonely. I don't know. It might be the thought of you, It meant loss, since a few weeks ago, Reminded me to be sane and open my eyes. I don't really know. I want to see Maisarah and hold her warm hands. I want to give her my best smiles and that brand new cup. It doesn't make my pocket empty, but I know I bought it out of love. I want to be out of here. It isn't that bad, I like it here but, Somedays, it feels like I don't really belong here. I don't know. The air is suffocating. But of all the thoughts that have been wandering around my head, I know if I put Allah first in my heart, Nothing would have ever been so bad. I know if I live the life to please my creator, I will have high aim in this life. Nothing would have ever gone to waste.

Assalamualaikum Staring at this whole room, I knew one spot was left empty. And you were supposed to fill it. I still couldn't believe my eyes. They couldn't bring the image of you, looking so tall and lost in your own world, To my brain. I had always saved your figure in it whenever I came here, I believed you'd always be here. But I should wake myself up. You weren't there, you weren't anywhere near me. Sweet bread and colourful cakes or chocolate cakes weren't your favourites, Nor your half-favourites. But you always knew I liked sweet things and you became one, Sweet enough to buy them with me. and sit on the cold floor beside me to have a taste. You never refused me. But now those sweet danishes took longer to be finished. There was a cool blog here, but now it was relocated. I didn't want to search for it, because I love tealive more and I want you to also taste it someday. This afternoon I bought one, I asked them to put pearls in m

Assalamualaikum Aku rindu bau lantai mozek surau. Daripada tiada palang gantung kepada ada, Daripada sempit menjadi luas, Daripada kosong menjadi lemas, Kering kepada basah, Lancar kepada bahu berlanggar, Semuanyalah. Surau kami tiada aircond . Hanya kipas besar keliling kawasan. Orangnya biasa ramai. Tapi nyaman. Tiada penceramah luar setiap malam, Cuma kadang figura Ustaz Joha yang dirindui setiap pertengahan maghrib dan isyak. "Ustaz Jo ke?" "Aah," "Jom gi depan!" Kadang ketua badar. Kadang Ustaz Megat. Kadang warden bertugas. Anehnya surau kami juga tiada tabir pemisah lelaki perempuan. Namun jelas penghalang halimunan di tengah, usah risau usah terpempan. Aku rindu kesejukan lantai mozek surau. Peluh riadah sudah lama hilang, Cuma kesan teriknya mentari pada siang masih terasa, Dapat lekap tangan pada mozek berwarna pucat itu, Ah boleh terlelap aku. Aku rindu pengisian setiap malam. Aku rindu makanan rohani, tak ki

Assalamualaikum I didn't know, whether you doubted yourself or not. I never knew how you would behave with your friends. You were nice to look at, But I hated to admit the fact that in some haircuts you did look amazing. You have always been everyone's favourite. You, and your slender figure. You, and your every flawless attempt. You, and everything that makes people fall for you. You are my favourite too, But I have always hated to admit to your face. "Do you think I can make it?" You and your skinny fingers, holding fork and spoon, Looking straight at me, wanting an answer. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. It had always been easy for you. If it's you, I knew you could do it. If it's you, I knew it would be great news. Allah has given you a lot of blessings. Allah really loves you, a lot, you know. Alhamdulillah for that. Sometimes you weren't serious. You grew up really fast and now you're gone to somewhere far in a

Assalamualaikum "Little time, not a moment wasted with you," It could be concluded as something so brief so short. But the ache felt like longer than ever. Bet it would stay here for a while. While people said time heals so I let it be. So I let it be. Rewinding the tapes of past, It would be so good if it stayed the way it was. While people said turning back time could repair the mistakes, But we knew it could never be true, so I let it be. So I let it be. Looking at the back of your head, It wasn't straight but never turned this way, While people were standing and some were chilling at the seats, It seemed like it was natural for you to behave that way, to never look at your back, To notice what's behind it, to know that it was me so I let it be. So I let it be. I had always let it be the way it was, and hoped I could set me free.  Not a moment had I wasted, But every inside of me I had had was all wasted. The sky was painted grey, Melanc

Assalamualaikum Saying good bye to my parents when I was 13, Wasn't hard. I was glad and felt excited, thinking how I would be doing, living with my friends. For the first time, I lived far away from them. But it wasn't that far. I wasn't homesick, until I was 15. And that disease followed me for the next two years. Saying good bye to my best friend when I was 13, Was hard. I spent my school holidays at her house. We would be doing some things, with me thinking that those times would be kept as precious memories when I grow up. And they are, now. Sometimes I do miss her. But we both now are doing just fine, now. Well, I guess. Alhamdulillah. Saying good bye to my parents when I was 17, Was the hardest. I didn't know how I ended up making that one choice, but all thanks to Allah, really. If it didn't happen, I wouldn't have met all of the angels in disguise there. I was homesick, and that disease followed me for few months there. But luckily I had th

"Hey, it's me, Aidan," Like someone has given me an electric shock, I wake up. My favourite pajamas is soaking wet with sweats. I breathe heavily. It's been a year since the last time I saw her. Of all nights I'd been wanting to see her even in my dream, a year has passed and she turns up,just, now? When I am ready to start living normally and almost forget the whole thing about meeting her? She shows up, like, tonight? Like, really? Huh. I sigh. This is not a good thing, when you are almost there to completely move on. * "You're okay, Cal?" It feels like I have been daydreaming since the first period. Ashton looks at me with his one eyebrow up. Luke and Michael are also checking on me. "Huh? I'm sorry. What is it?" I ask, blankly. Ashton shakes his head. Michael heaves a sigh, looks a bit troubled. Luke continues reading his comic. "What? Look, I'm sorry, something's on my mind," * "Don

The night air was cold, and strange. It felt like someone was watching me. Like, really. I turned all around, every degree I'd learned on the protractor when I was 13. All I saw was nobody. It gave me goose pimples, like, really. All of the ghosts' names came out on my mind. "God! Where's that Ashton guy?!" I screamed out loud, to brush away those nonsenses. I felt a pat on my back, I quickly turned. "Sorry Cal, Luke's car broke on our way here, so we took some time," "It's okay, let's get the recording done tonight," * "Man, finishing that one song last night tires me 'till this afternoon!" Michael yawned. "You can beat Calum all you want, Mike," I wanted to laugh hearing what Ashton said, but suddenly my heart raced. Like, really. Racing crazily! I stopped walking. This beating hurt my chest, I started to catch up with my breath. "Cal? You okay? What happened?" All of m

Assalamualaikum When it snowed and your front porch was all white, With those black boots, untied, I helped you with that extra shovel. It was cold but we sweated a bit, I saw you smile and say, "Tie up those boots," When it rained and you left your mini umbrella home, With those sneakers, untied, I ran to you with an extra brolly. It was cold and we were all soaking wet, I saw rain drops between your eyelashes and you said, "Tie up  those sneakers," When it was sunny and you hurt your eyes in front of the traffic lights, With those oxford shoes, untied, I told you I got an extra Rayban, It was hot and you stopped by, I saw you laugh and say, "Those shoes, they need to be tied up too," You seemed to care but through every season I learnt something. You were never there to tie them up. But thank you, those words were nice and warm.